


Remembrance

by Lucyh95



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I still can’t cope :(, Spoilers for chapter 132
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucyh95/pseuds/Lucyh95
Summary: Now, seated here, with his hammering heartbeat in his ears, and with nothing else to do, he couldn't help but remember.
Relationships: Levi & Hange Zoë
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Remembrance

The seat was cold, the vibrations of the engines under his feet, reverberating through his stiff frame, jostling his still tender wounds. Not that it mattered. He would gladly take the physical pain every day over what was clawing at his chest at the moment—the imagines filtering through his mind. The grief sat there like a suffocating lump in his throat. And it lingered there and ached, never spilling over. Not really. Not completely. It would stay there until he found the strength to force it down and away. It was nothing new, after all. He would be able to do it this time too.

She dedicated her heart, soaring on the wings of freedom, and Levi would move forward, bearing the weight.

A hand came up, his fingers grazing over the bandages covering his wounded eye.

_"Dedicate your heart."_

He swallowed and stared down at the dirty floor beneath his feet, mind wandering against his will, pulling out memories, zooming in on small details.

Now, seated here, with his hammering heartbeat in his ears, and with nothing else to do, he couldn't help but remember.

000

The first time he saw Hange cry was a few months after he had joined the Corps. It had been a particularly disastrous expedition, with many casualties. Titans had just shown up out of nowhere, plunging them all in a world of chaos, accompanied by the sounds of cries among the horse hooves on the ground, and the overwhelming scent of iron and fallen leaves.

He'd finished scrubbing down his horse ( _his_ horse, it was something Levi still secretly marveled at) when he found Hange behind the stables. He had wanted to put some supplies away when he spotted her, sitting on the dusty floor littered with hay, back against an old stable door.

For a second, he contemplated retreating as silently as possible, but then it was already too late, she spotted him. She wiped hastily at her eyes, sniffing. And Levi did not particularly feel the need to meddle with anyone's business. Even after these few months, he still had to find his place in the Corps, the imagines of his fallen friends never far away and always ready to taunt him with their accusing whispers. It was his fault, after all. All because of his stupid arrogance. But— he couldn't leave her here like this, sitting on a dirty floor (he suppressed a shudder at that), bawling her eyes out. She'd been the first to be genuinely interested in him, in his companionship. Even when he pushed her away, she'd come back, even going as far as forcing him into stargazing with her to forget his grief for a little while.

Yeah, he decided, she was weird, pushy, too loudly enthusiastic about titans (who in their right mind would be excited about _that_ ), and had never heard about the concept of bathing. And yet. Yet he found himself relax in her presence. Yet he found himself enjoying her company, even if she could be a pain in the ass.

He stalked over, bent down, and hauled her up to her feet before she could say anything.

She stared at him, a bit surprised, messy strands of hair plastered across her forehead, eyes red. She was a mess.

"Follow me. I will make you tea." He eyed her disapprovingly for a moment, eyes trailing toward her dusty pants, and he crossed his arms across his chest. "Stables are not the best hideouts, you know. It's not clean." He sniffed. "Horse shit and dusty hay and all. Disgusting."

And Hange chuckled at that, swiping at the locks across her forehead and not making the mess any better. The sound was rough and short and still a little watery. But it was a laugh. And Levi felt a weight lift off his chest he didn't even know had been there.

"Yeah," she sniffed, rubbing a hand across her cheeks. "A cup of tea, I could use that."

000

It had been late at night when the soft knock on his door had dragged him away from his musings and stare-contests with the way too high stacks of paperwork. He placed the now empty tea-cup back on the left corner of his desk. He shifted. "Yes?" He sounded tired, even to his ears. Well, no shit. He _was_ tired. Damn Erwin and his demand for documents that needed filling in, it was an endless cycle.

The door opened, and Hange appeared in the doorway.

"Hey," he greeted her. And she wanted to answer him, but the corners of her mouth turned downward. And he frowned at the sight and turned further toward her.

"Can I stay here for a bit? I can't sleep."

He eyed her for a moment, noticing the dark circles under her eyes and the slight slump of her shoulders. And he understood. He knew.

He gestured her to come inside and waved a hand toward the bed. "You can lay down if you want. I still have some paperwork to finish."

He watched as she stepped inside and toward the bed, sitting down thankfully. Then she lay down, back toward him, and he turned back toward his desk, picking up his pen once more, sighing inwardly at the task before him.

He worked in comfortable silence, the only sound filling the space between the two of them his pen scribbling away on paper after paper.

He only took a break to pull a blanket over Hange's now half-asleep form. He sat there for a moment with her, a hand resting on her shoulder. She shivered under his touch. He remained there for a moment longer before he retreated to his desk.

And the only noise that filled the space between the two of them was once more the scribbling sound of pen on paper.

It was comforting, somehow.

000

It had been on a cold December afternoon that Hange had dragged him along with her, barely pausing to throw a coat and some gloves at him. It had been snowing, and him being from the underground, had never seen a snowflake in his life. It had always been a far-away concept to him. The same had applied to sunshine, lush fields of grass, and clean water.

It had something nearly magical, enchanting, he mused, looking up at the gray sky above his head. The way the tiny flakes fell without a sound, covering everything like a white, cold blanket.

It was at that moment that Hange decided that throwing heaps of snow at him was a good plan. He cast a scowl her way that would have most people flee. But she only laughed at him brightly, not faced in the slightest, the tip of her nose already turning red from the cold and her head donning a ridiculous hat.

"Oi, what are you doing?"

And Hange only grinned wider.

"Snowball fight, remember."

000

_Captain—_

The voice addressing him pulled him away from his thoughts. He looked up, and the sight that greeted him was Armin's concerned expression. The boy looked like a wreck. Red and swollen eyes, dried tear tracks on his cheeks. He was calm now. That was something, at least.

Levi shifted on the uncomfortable seat. "What is it." He sounded weary and empty and a little too rigid. But he was just too tired.

Armin's eyes traced his face for a moment before trailing off and to the side. Perhaps he had wanted to say something, but whatever it was, Levi would not get to hear it. Instead, he held out a flask of water.

And Levi was glad.

Because if someone would ask him if he was alright, he was afraid he would put his fist through the nearest object. Be that this damned flying prison, or a face.

But Armin didn't ask. And Levi was grateful for that.

He took the flask and rasped out, voice rough. "Thanks."

**Author's Note:**

> Another tag to chapter 132. I still can't cope with all the sadness. One moment I'm fine and the next I'm crying again. It just really hurts. :(


End file.
